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I figure that I could still hang on being me -- the real me fora while if I can just keep myself from going along with the program,you know? Getting prissy with my hair and face and wearing dresses andsitting around with Jessica's girl talk shit. I mean, if people thoughtI was a tomboy I could stay myself even like this for a couple of yearstill some kind of magic something turned up to make me normal again."Tim looked like I was a heretic. "Mean, you're not even going to giveit a chance? Being a girl?" Not if there's one for me to change back." Suppose there isn't? Suppose there ain't no way to turn back?" Don't say that! There's gotta be a way! Someone made that friggin'magic wristband doohickey that caused this whole mess, right? Who's tosay that that was the only one? And since there really was such athing, it means that all these tales and stories about witches andwizards and sorcerer and magicians are all true -- at least some ofthem! And one of them might know a way to change. I look up at you, almost pleading for her and see only your calm eyes looking back at me. I quickly lower my eyes again, sorry for showing doubt, for challenging you. You motion for me to keep my hands away from her and I pull them back. Only my body is allowed to touch her for support now. Occasionally I whisper to her softly that I am here, that I will be with her and not to be afraid. Then you tell her she is to be branded and my mind reels at the memories of the night I was branded. I am filled with joy for her, remembering how incredible that night was for me. But I am also afraid for her. The pain and sheer terror of the act is overwhelming. I question as to whether I could go through it again, if I had the chance to go back. I think about Maria and her brands and the pride with which she displayed them to me. And then I wonder about Teresa. She has been so strong, so steadfast in the achievement of her goal, so brave. Has she any idea of the incredible emotional overload that.
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